Saturday, 20 March 2010

2 am.

don't really know what i'm still doing up right now so i thought i'd blog because i've been meaning to every single day since my last post. i'm impressed the thought crossed my mind daily to start with.

it's been a day that's gone from crap to good which is always better than good to bad. went to town with the best friend and had a proper catch up an a lot of laughs. god i miss her when i don't see her but it's never ever awkward between us no matter how long between seeing each other. she treated me to cheesecake in nero which is probably my biggest downfall in life - if you want to make me do something a £2.40 slice of heaven will probably do the trick. sicilian lemon please, thaaanks. we sorted her lady gaga outfit out and she's now ready for her 'wear-what-you-like' day and it didn't even take us that long. we did other little bits and pieces but it's pointless to write about them. we came home, to find my parents leaving for gloucester as it's a family birthday. basically left and abandoned on my own! happy birthday becca!

our plans to have a sleep over tonight failed but we still managed to have a good time at kat and pete's. chicago is an amazing film, and the directing and sets are all gorgeous. it's really amazing, so if life fails maybe i'll try and become a director. by the end of the evening we were having a great time and it was a shame to leave.

i'm heading to katie's tomorrow to get her to help me shoot my russian doll photos for my art coursework. i've got all the make up i think and with katie's amazing skills i'm sure the photos will look beautiful. this is the first time that i've actually felt enthusiastic about art in a while so i'm hoping this is all going to help me, and make sure my art teacher doesn't try to murder me. the idea was will's in the first place and for once he made a useful suggestion!

i am ridiculously in love with that boy. he's everything i think anyone could ask for really, without being really lame and cliche. i really can't imagine how i could carry on if we broke up - we always call and text because we don't see each other that often really, and he's always the one i want to tell stuff. it's not that i couldn't live without him, i just can't imagine him not being such a major part of my life. even if we did break up, i think he'd always be a friend, because we know each other too well and i wouldn't want to completely lose him out of my life. maybe it isn't love, but i'm never going to forget this or him, because the last 4 months have completely changed me and i don't regret anything. 10 years from now, i might realise this isn't what love is, and i was just being childish and foolish but i don't care because right now this seems like the biggest thing i've ever felt in my life.

i don't think i'd ever want anyone out of my life and to completely lose contact with someone whose had an impact on me. i think it comes down to the fact that i just don't like goodbyes. i hate them so much and i guess i need to make choices about my future which will mean i have to leave some people. it's decision time now and it seems stupid to basically be deciding my future at 16; who the hell knows what they even want at this age?! i bet even at 30 i still won't know what i want.

all i know is that i don't wanna lose this feeling; crazy happiness, exhilaration at being so lucky, the freedom of being young and wreckless, this new confidence in myself - i think i'm finally comfortable with the person i am, and it's taken a long time to get to a point where i think i can say that i like myself, and not feel like i should be everything i'm not. holly powell, happy?! yes, is the answer. i am so happy right now.


Tuesday, 16 March 2010

some unexpected news

just when i thought this blog was depressing enough, i'm about to top that with some even better news. my dad got diagnosed with prostate cancer today.

it's not serious. it's a low grade cancer and it's not spreading but even so it's pretty scary news to find out. he has several treatment option to go into but he doesn't have to choose right away as it's not dangerous. i've already cried lots but that's typical me behaviour and my parents have bullied me about needing the counselling the hospital offers for patients and their families! i'm glad we can still have a sense of humour about this all though; it just takes the edge off this situation. i can see how brave my dad is being and that's tearing me up the most because i know he's scared and so are we. i just know that whatever happens i want to make my dad proud of me and let him know how much i love him everyday because he really is amazing and i don't think you get a better dad than this.

i'm crying again already but i've got some tissues and i know we'll all get through this together. i already called my boyfriend to cry to a bit too and i am so lucky to have him there for me whenever i need him. i feel so lucky for everyone i have in my life right now and i don't want to take anything for granted, in the least morbid way, because who knows what might happen.


Monday, 15 March 2010

a third blog post?!

what is wrong with me? a third blog post!?

i have drama in a bit. that's all i can say right now. because i have to leave in about 9 mins so i actually need to go get ready. i will try and properly post something pointless later.


Sunday, 14 March 2010

mother's day

well well well. i'm impressed i managed to remember my login for this. and the fact that i am about to write something.

first of all happy mother's day. i probably don't show enough appreciation to my mum but i love her so much. despite my complaints at times, i really do love her and she really is amazing.

feeling better today mentally, although i do have a headache and feel ill (what else is new?!) so i went ahead with my promise to blog after katie asking me for the url on twitter reminded me i wrote this only last night. been a peaceful day and i really should go get a lot of work done. didn't do anything much last night. tidied a bit and then got bored and gave up. i think i need some kind of self help motivational books that are always lovely and condescending.

nothing much exciting to blog, quelle surprise, but i will recommend marks&spencers 'colin the caterpillar' fizzy gummy sweets. they are delicious and perfectly acidic. they clearly own 'percy pigs'. i really don't understand the love for those sickly pink things.

my exciting to do list:
spanish coursework
english x 3
art commentary and 2 studies

probably french and maths as well but i'm not sure. might actually have to make use of my planner for once... how depressing!


Saturday, 13 March 2010

lo que soy

hello blogging universe.

i did this before. i failed. but my friends are all doing it so maybe that'll give me some sort of incentive to actually write. not that i'd have anything very interesting to say but hey, i'm going to give it a go. i'll try and be positive about it, even though saying i'm positive would be like saying the pope is gay. anyway, i'm holly and i'm from england in case someone does follow this, and if you do, i'd advise you not to.

i guess i'll be using this mainly to vent in a pathetically teenage way but life is pretty stressful right now so i guess i feel like i'm justified. i've got gcse's coming up and the usual friends/boyfriend/money/social life issues like any other person. i'm so ordinary. nothing i write will ever be interesting, nothing that hasn't been said, done or thought a million times before.

i'm at home right now, after spending the afternoon with my boyfriend. feeling a bit bummed out at being home, it was the first time i got to see him in two weeks and i always hate going again because we don't see each other very often. i miss my best friend too. we haven't properly seen each other in about a month and i'm worried we're slowly drifting apart and it won't be the same between us anymore. she's seriously the only person i truly trust despite everything we've been through. she's the only one (except will) i feel really comfortable to be 'me' around. gonna go chat with her in a bit and will hopefully see her next weekend, so everything will be alright i'm sure.

i've just completed all my art coursework and i'm going to have a lazy weekend despite having about a million things to do. i had less than 6 hours sleep a night for the last week so i'm going to go to bed before midnight! shocking! i need to tidy my room epically though, so i can then finally get it decorated. i will get it done this time, but every other time it's been tidy enough and i've gotten rid of all my old junk it gets put off and i let my room turn back into a complete mess. i am so disorganised, so i'm hoping a good clear out will help me get ready for my exams. i'm gonna go set up a play list on my itunes and sync it to me ipod and blast it out of my cheap and cheery pink flower speakers that i got for my birthday. current tunes i feel like listening to:

kicks or consumption - dirty pretty things
camera talk - local natives
i am not a robot - marina and the diamonds
walking on a dream - empire of the sun
be mine - ellie goulding feat erik hassle

anything by joshua radin and snow patrol.

i'm in a mellow mood so i think it'll be chilled out music with a few upbeat songs to make my mood better. i'm thinking it's more that i'm tired and just gotten off antibiotics and gotten over being ill more than anything that's making me feel crap. should be back to normal by tomorrow. and i think the bench mark of my mood will be if i actually blog something!